Narator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry, the part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song. Bob the Tomato, unable to sneeze visits the Sneeze Doctor.
Bob: Please, can someone help me? I need to sneeze.
Straight: Wait for the Sneeze Doctor. Just take a seat, he'll be right with you.
Larry: Sneeze if you have to! Sneeze if you need to! Don't hold it in, just be sure that you cover your mouth with a tissue. I will assist you. Sneeze all your troubles away at up to a hundred and fifty miles an hour!
Straight: Interesting fact: The avarage sneeze travels at a rate of one hundred miles an hour. In 2003 Dirk Evert of Grunholz, Germany clocked in at one-fifty. Way to go, Dirk!
Larry: I think I have a remedy, perhaps in my potpourri, I bought it from a merchant in Spain! For ultimate sneeze satisfaction try allergic reaction. Take a deep breath, if it helps you can squint at the sun. Or here's some pepper. Let's see, I know! Try this feather! Don't be afraid! Set it free! Let it go! Go! Go go go go!
Straight: Interesting fact: The photic sneeze reflex, or sneezing when exposed to bright light is a genetic trait found in twenty-five percent of the population. Including Dirk.
Bob: Ah, ah-ah-ah. Ah-ah-ah. Ah-ah-ah ah ah-ah-ah. Ah-ah-ah ah ah ah-
Straight. Gesundheit. Which interestingly means "good health" in German.
All: Sneeze if you have to! Sneeze if you need to! ....accidentally sneeze on your neighbor, do them a favor, offer them coffee and something....salt on your french fries soon we will reprise!
Narator: This has been Silly Songs with Larry. Tune in next time to hear Dirk say:
Dirk: Ich bin ein sneezer!